Oxygen

Princess Betty Le Principauté de Monaco

I need some air today.  As it begins to warm up here in London, I can feel the panic set in.  I hate this time of year, certainly in the last few years as I grew in size.  Fat on top of fat doesn't make FatBetty a happy brrd.  Everything is aching, I only have a little way to walk in to work, but sometimes it feels as though I am climbing mount Everest. 



Today, the whole staff team are off to a training day, in Fulham.  Whoop fucking doot.  Do I want to go and take in Child Protections stuff?  Nope, there is a procedure to follow when something crap happens here, we follow it.  I don't need to be told of anything other than if the law has changed and that policies need to be updated to state that.  I feel panic inside, my muscles ache and I just want to be able to relax.  I keep thinking of what I can do to bring some life back into me.  I was doing ok, having discovered some great food at M&S, so was able to calorie count and feel ok about things.  Then I binged at the weekend.  The more out of control I feel with food, the more dark the world looks.  I could feel that shadow creeping up on me at home over the weekend.  I had to shake it off.

I just wish I didn't feel so tired.  I remember being fat but physical, I was able to move, to walk.  Now everything is a pain.  My back is aching from the weight of my belly and really, just how un-natural is that?  I bet Madonna doesn't feel this shit every day, but then she goes to the gym to work off any fat cells and she buys little black babies in boxes!. 

Yesterday myself and Dean went to pick up my glasses from specsavers.  We popped into Primark to get some blank t-shirts for the printing project at work.  I saw these funny little pink poodle bags, so bought one for all of the Donny crew.  I wrapped them in Gingham wrapping paper and presented them to the Donny Crew.  For most the evening, we dressed the poodles in brightly coloured ribbons, adding a certain je ne sais quoi to the adorable little pooches.   It's hard not to turn into a WAG when carrying a stuffed pink poodle.  It made me want blonde weave and nail extensions.  My poodle is called Princess Betty of Monaco.  Dean called his Esmeralda, Rosie called her Lulu, Kelsey called hers Tallulah and Ruby, we have to wait and see as she was sick yesterday she took her pooch home.  So now I wait for the rest of the staff to come in and then we have to do the long trek to Fulham.  Blergh.  I haven’t even had a tea as yet.